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Vol. 2, Issue #19 October 12th - October 25th, 2007
The Greatest Band of All Time
Stars of the hit Adult Swim series “Metalocalypse,” and riding the crest of their tsunami-smash debut record, the “Dethalbum,” which is currently #1 on every chart in existence, this unstoppable quintet do more than just spell “Death” and “Clock” incorrectly, they are the crux of human existence. Nothing matters outside of Dethklok. Nothing. They graciously took time for a conference call with me from their mansion in the forests of Mordland, maybe because I share a first name with their lead singer. Nathan Winfrey: A lot of people seem to get hurt or killed at your concerts. Have any human rights groups every tried to shut you guys down? Nathan Explosion: Um, no, no, we uh, the whole thing is, we’ve got a good lawyer. We cover all our bases by having the audience sign pain waivers. We don’t want to see them die, but just in case they do, we’re legally unscathed, you know. And here’s what I tell people: don’t come to our shows. You might die. Don’t come to our shows, no, because we want you alive. You mean more to us alive, buying our crap, you know. Stay at home. Make love to your wife. Have more kids and have them buy stuff. NW: This question is also for you, Nathan: You seem to throw out a lot of the tracks when you’re recording an album. You must have a pretty rigorous quality control process. What kind of criteria must a song meet to get the OK from you? NE: It’s gotta be heavy. It’s gotta be heavy enough. If it’s not heavy enough, I’ll delete it. I went through a big phase of pretty much deleting everything and sometimes, I’ll tell you, it feels good just to throw it away. Even a good track. Even a good, heavy track. I’ll still throw that away, cuz it feels. It feels good. NW: This is for Skwisgaar: Do you guys meet a lot of women on the road? I mean, I’m guessing you probably do, being the biggest band in the world. Skwisgaar: Yeah, we have the guys goes into the crowds and goes and uh brings back the ladies for me to you-know-what, you know? But we have um, much like the Pains Waiver, we have them uh sign the Paternities Waiver, and, um, then I can just you-know-what to them, you know? NW: Has any particular woman ever been meaningful to you? Anybody stand out? Skwisgaar: I can’t say that anys ones ladies had ever made it to my memory, but you know, while it lasts, it sure is wonderfuls and totallys romantics. NW: That’s great. Well, the Dethalbum debuted at #1 on the charts. Is that what you guys were expecting? What do you think about that?
NW: Negative numbers: does that mean that lots of people are buying it or that nobody’s buying it? NE: It means that people that aren’t alive, like dead people, are buying it. You kind of get used to #1. It is the loneliest number. NW: OK, this question is for Pickles: What’s next for Dethklok? Pickles: Oh, we’re gonna have lunch pretty soon. Um, we’re gonna have macaroni and cheese for lunch. Is that what you mean? NW: Sounds good, man. Pickles: And then we’re um, gonna do some more music. Is that what you’re talking about? I’m gonna play drums some more. NW: Well, your lunch plans are just as interesting. Is macaroni your favorite thing to eat? Pickles: Well, you know, after a night of drinking, I crave comfort food. French fries, macaroni and cheese, um…pancakes. All that stuff. Hamburgers, cheeseburgers, you know, and just, you know, you’re always trying to shake up a night of drinking and that’s just great food for that. NW: So, then what’s the best hangover remedy? Pickles: Keep on drinking. Don’t put down the bottle. Don’t wuss out, you know. Keep on doing it. NW: And what do you normally drink? What’s your drink of choice? Pickles: Oh, I, you know, you can’t ask God what his favorite creature is, you know. I’ll mix it up, I’ll you know, do beer before liquor, and I’ll do liquor before beer. I’ll do vodka, you know. Good tequila, you know. I’ll do uh…crappy well drinks. I’ll drink, you know, I’ll spend a whole night drinking uh…you know, drinking eh…uh…eh…uh…Long Island iced tea. It’s what I do for fun. NW: I hear beer before liquor is kind of dangerous, though. Does that not worry you at all? Pickles: Yeah, but you’ve gotta do it some times, you know. You gotta live life on the razor’s edge and drink and screw it up and ruin your next day because you know, how fun is it to be totally controlled? NW: Right, and that sounds great, and I really thank all you guys for talking to us and good luck on your tour, and I hope everyone out there—even people who are dead—buys your album. I’m sure they will. Is there anything else you’d like to add? NE: Buy the record! Actually, you just said that, didn’t you? NW: Yeah, well, it never hurts to have two people saying they should buy it, so listen to Nathan Explosion. Do what he says. NE: Keep on buying, I want to get to Negative #1. NW: Yeah, well, we’ll reach it there together, buddy. NE: Alright, everybody. Go die. This is just a segment of the interview. To hear the rest, check out the full audio version on Oct. 19th broadcast of NONcast Radio on TOGiNET.com, a few clips offered below. Also check out Nathan's interview with Metalocalypse creator, Brendon Small. Audio version on Oct. 12th broadcast of NONcast Radio on TOGiNET.com. And finally, don't miss the Dethalbum review by Clark Deal!
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Never have five men had a greater impact on the world than Dethklok, the #1 band of all time and have the 12th largest economy on earth (just ahead of Belgium). Forget the humanitarian efforts of U2, or the socio-political impact of groups like The Beatles—Nathan Explosion, Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Toki Wartooth, William Murderface and Pickles the Drummer are brutally metal and are here to play metal brutally.
NE: I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s stupid. I mean, I’m still trying to get a record to debut in negative integers, you know, and until I do that, I guess I’m just not happy. I don’t care. Thanks for buying it, but if it could get into the negative numbers, that would be great. But #1 is whatever.©2007 NONCO Media, L.L.C.