Issue #16 Sept. 1st - Sept. 14th, 2006

The Old School

Pirates of the Blackened Grill

School is back, and with it traffic. Those of you that follow our biweekly adventures know how we feel about “tourists”. The streets are filled with blank staring robots in polo shirts and ball caps; a sea of khaki stopping traffic so they can talk to each other on cell phones. All of the usually empty parking spaces outside the bars have cute little “Barbie Corvettes” with vanity tags like “dadsgrl”, “tuk-fxs” and “snrsno1”. Does that last one me the Sooner are no one?

To tell you the truth it’s funny to see the cars that middle aged guys buy for their kids. Over powered Chevy coups from the ‘70’s and brand spanking new 4x4 pickups with KC lights and Nerf bars (what Jello once called “life sized ‘Hot Wheels’ car for some dumb rich kid,”) in short the high-school bullshitmobiles that their folks couldn’t or wouldn’t spring for.

So we Pirates have, of late, been annoyed by the boon of a thriving community, our only recourse has been to escape into the past. It started, innocently enough, when one of the mates brought out her old Sega system and assorted cartridges, Sonic II, III (and the Knuckles one too) of course Earthworm Jim, Castlevania, Madden ’94, and on and on.

It’s amazing how the games that frustrated you years ago, can be so relaxing and even comforting now. As if in the future we’ll say “new games are too intense…I need a nice relaxing game of San Andreas.”

Perhaps it is just nice to re-solve problems we know the answer to, and maybe that’s why some guys keep dating the same type of girl. Really, everybody has a friend like this, the problems might be stupid, but at least they’re the same useless things his last three girlfriends cared about. He’s got all the answers this time; “no your butt isn’t big,” … “I wasn’t looking at her”… and most importantly, “yes, of course you can have it.”

Why are these guys surprised by the same breakup again and again? And, more importantly, why do they call you with the same maudlin question; “Why?” Why would she do this?” “Why wouldn’t she do that?” and our favorite, “what did I do wrong?”

A better question for them to ask would be “When will I quit dating strippers that only love me for the car my daddy bought me?” then you could say “never.” Instead you tell them that there are plenty of other women out there, and you don’t say that the girl will be the same because he will be the same.

But back to our regression, it started innocently enough, a little Sega to blow off steam, then Sega wasn’t enough, suddenly everyone’s bustin’ out their ATARI 2600s and N.E.S. systems. Really, how many times can you play “Duck Hunt”?

It didn’t stop with the 3DO vs. Activision playoffs, and the great pinball debate only seemed to rile people up. We went ahead and located one of the stand-up “Star Wars” machines, you know, with the cool “Knight Rider” steering wheels, then we watched “the Last Star Fighter,” on laser disc but to no avail. We were hooked, grown men wearing parachute pants and playing Oregon Trail on an Apple IIc.

Some of the veteran pirates even imported graduate students from other states to try to recreate the best times of their youth. Other Black Grill Boys started wearing athletic wear from their eighth grade alma-madras and listening to Twisted Sister and Motley Cure in their cars.

So how far should you go to regain your youth? Nostalgia is nice, but if you don’t look to the future there may not be one. That’s probably where the mid-life crisis dads have us beat: they can drive the Sexmobile whenever they want.

Cars come and go, but a great entrée can live forever. This is one...

Key Lime & Tequila Chicken

Here’s what we use:
• 1 bottle tequila (the bigger the better)
• 1 cup key lime juice
• 1 cup olive oil
• 3 tbsp. lemon pepper
• 3 tbsp. garlic salt
• Several whole limes (quartered)
• Salt and pepper

Here’s what we do:
Combine the chicken, lime juice, 2/3 cup olive oil, 2tbsp of lemon pepper and 2 tbsp. of garlic salt, add a few good shots of tequila in a large freezer bag, and let marinade for twelve hours. Place chicken directly on grill over a medium (heat) bed of coals, brush chicken with the remaining olive oil, and sprinkle with the rest of the garlic salt and lemon pepper. While enjoying the rest of your bottle of tequila, cook over medium heat. Flip the chicken often squeezing lime slices (saving some for tequila shots) over it then sprinkle with salt and pepper each time. The idea is to roast the meat more than “grill” it.

So maybe we don’t have much room to ridicule the older set for wanting to regain their youth. Our little flash back only cost us $20.00 for the games and machines (well add $120.00 for shipping and handling) but we aren’t stuck trying to fill up some 7 mpg relic. Sure your ‘67 charger is more likely to get you laid, but who likes that type of girl anyway? We’ll keep our video game vixens, and y’all can have the boat show bimbos.

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