Issue #15 August 18th - August 31st, 2006

I Believe Children Are Our Future

Pirates of the Blackened Grill

There was a golden age for parties that seems to have come and gone. It wasn’t that long ago that every weekend had a live band at Ted’s house, a rent party in some studio apartment downtown, and drinking a handle of Jack and listening to Black Flag at the house Kevin was squatting in. Big, crowded and exciting parties with happy, naked Matt rubbing his butt on you. People still want to have fun, but lately the police act like having fun means the terrorists win. Now people are tiptoeing around and afraid to turn up the clock radio because they can be fined hundreds of dollars.

City ordinances vary greatly from hamlet to hamlet and all are designed to be vague so there is always gray area concerning what constitutes disturbing the peace. It really seems undefined and up to the discretion of the officer at the scene.

Really, if you think about it, there can be no peace without relaxation, and celebration is the best form of relaxation…so parties are really promoting the peace. Try explaining that to the Man.

Of course the best thing to do is befriend your neighbors and make sure they’re at your get together, get some raging block parties going. However some neighbors will bitch no matter what, unmoving stick-in-the-muds, with nothing better to do than tattle to the cops. There is no dealing with these asses.

We pirates have put our collective mind on it and we believe we have a solution. We are going to rent children’s parties. Not clowns or bouncy castles, but actual parties of children to camouflage your swinging shin dig. A rent-a-kid business. For example, let’s say you’re planning a small keg party for two hundred and fifty or so. Five or six five and six-year-olds is a great cover. How can anyone blame kids for having fun and being rowdy at a birthday party? And lets face it, people at big keg parties are about as behaved as a pack of kindergartners.

Or, if you’d prefer to make your fiesta seem more like a family reunion, we’ll be offering a line of sweet little old ladies. How could anyone ticket Grandma on her first visit since she moved to Boca Raton? Heartless pigs might, but a fair-minded officer of the peace never could. Best of all you can enjoy your wild backyard bash while she bakes up her famous homemade banana nut bread, and you know how grandmas love to clean up after you… the beer cans will be thrown away, and fresh ones delivered with love. However, everyone will have to use coasters.

Speaking of beer, we’ll also be offering “just married” couples for last minute beer-runs, this package includes extra tuxedos so everyone can look their best on the limousine ride to the Cum-and-Go. Plus, since all brides are beautiful, you’re guaranteed to have at least one hot chick at your party.

Here’s what we use:

• 1 beef tongue whole
• 4oz can of chipolte peppers in adabo
• 6 cloves of garlic (minced)
• 1 cup olive oil
• red wine
• 2tbls onion powder
• 5tbls salt
• crushed red pepper TT

Here’s what we do for Bill’s Beef Tongue:

Marinade the tongue in red wine, 2tbls of salt, ½ cup of olive oil, and crushed red pepper for about 12 hours. Boil the tongue in red wine, all of the garlic, ½ cup of olive oil, chipolte peppers with adabo sauce, 2tbls of onion powder and crushed red pepper until the wine reduces. As the wine boils off, add salt water. After boiling for about 3 or 4 hours remove the skin from the tongue, most of this you should be able to peel off with your hands, but some of the parts on the bottom you may need a knife for. After skinned, grill the tongue over medium heat for about an hour, and serve.

Here’s what we use for Erin’s Tenderloin:

• pork tenderloin (about 2 or 3 pounds)
• 4oz of goat cheese
• ½ red bell pepper (roasted)
• 6 cloves of garlic (minced)
• crushed red pepper TT
• 2tbls salt
• ½ cup of olive oil

Here’s what we do:

Marinade the tenderloin in red wine, 2tbls of salt, ½ cup of olive oil, and crushed red pepper for about 12 hours. Because the tongue and the loin enjoy each others company so much, we actually used the same marinade for both. Next lay the loin down and make several shallow incisions lengthwise, puling the loin back each time to create a sheet, this part is kind of tricky. Lay the sheet of loin meat open and spread the goat cheese, garlic, and roasted bell pepper on the inside of it. Roll the loin up like a jellyroll and fasten it shut, you can use string, toothpicks or even pirate engineer a little tin-foil for this, as we have. Smoke over medium heat until firm and done.

We know that some of you have probably been reading this with a bit of distaste. Suggesting that children associate with the inebreated, octigenaians be used as wait staff and that blushing young brides spend their wedding night being accosted by a couple of frat guys who weren’t invited anyway. We defend ourselves thusly, first off kids are entertaining running around yelling ridiculous catch phrases from movies and TV, and as long as they get cake and ice cream they don’t much care what you’re doing. Second many retired persons find it difficult to have rewarding and slow paced activities to fill their days. You might have us on the brides, but with as much as those dresses cost it seems like a good idea to get as much mileage as possible out of your acre of taffeta.

Oh, yeah… Happy birthday to jack, and sorry to Erin for stealin’ your recipe, but that’s what Pirates do. Boo-Yah!

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Next Recipe: coming September 1st

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