Issue #12 July 7th - July 20th, 2006


Pirates of the Blackened Grill

No two people can get along forever. How you handle not agreeing defines you in a way; do you run the other way when you see your advisory, or do you embrace them, embarrass them or debase them? Do you tell them of your difference or do you talk $#!+ when you think they can’t hear? Do you settle arguments, inflame them or let them eat you up inside?

Many unsavory or vile things can and do occur in the course of the lives of pirates; feelings get hurt, limbs are lost and people are marooned, and not always in that order. Theft, murder, cheating on your taxes, or even liking Morressey can go unpunished, though never unnoticed, amongst a taught crew. Mates accept each other… they have to.

Sometimes a problem cannot be forgiven with a simple “That’s how Fish is when he gets off of work,” or “I’m sorry, I thought cactus could drink tequila,” or even “What did I do last night anywho?” Sometimes a little dispute can’t be left behind, and every time you see your shipmate, you wish you’d never see them again. This can lead to mutiny.

To deal with dissention before it becomes mutiny we have the time honored ceremony of “the Crows’ Nest”. In olden days, two sailors with a disagreement would be tied hand to hand and sent up to the highest vantage of the ship. They would not be unteathared until they’d buried the hatchet. This forced them to work together, and rarely would one kill the other, as pushing your opponent off the highest point of the ship would surly be pushing yourself off. Some fights are worth dying for (Bay of Pigs e.g.) but not generally the ones you find with your best friends.

Unfortunately things are tough all over, and crows’ nests have fallen out of vogue. To keep the peace around the Grill we’ve taken to duct taping one hand of each mate to a single bottle of Old Crow whiskey. This forces them to depend on each other to smoke, eat, move, pee and most importantly drink. We leave them strapped like this until they’ve resolved their issue, the bottle is empty, they’ve passed out together trying to empty the bottle, or one of them smashes the bottle to stab the other. The latter is rare; really, as you’re more likely to tape shards of alcohol soaked broken glass to your bloody hand than open an artery of your foe. Most who face each other in “the Crows’ Nest” wake up sore with a hangover and very tacky fingers, but over the petty tiff of yesterday.

If only wars could be settled this way.

As much as this article is about not having beef, this is a brisket recipe that no one can possibly argue about.

Here’s what we use:

- One huge brisket (10-12 lbs.)
- 8 oz. garlic (minced)
- 24 oz. queso fresca (crumbled)
- 2 tbs. cumin
- 4 tbs. Crushed red pepper
- 1 ½ oz onion powder
- 1 cup worstcherstire sauce
- 1 ½ cups olive oil
- ½ gallon red wine
- dry rub

Here’s what we do:

Prepare and combine the garlic, queso fresca, 1-tbs. cumin, 2 tbs. crushed red pepper, and 1 oz. onion powder. Hollow out the brisket: start by making a large incision across the top, then cut almost all the way through, leaving a large cavity in the center. Stuff the brisket with the garlic and cheese combination. Place in a large bag and pour in the wine and all other ingredients, except dry rub, and let marinade for at least 24 hours.

Liberally treat brisket with dry rub before grilling. You want an even coat, 1/8 inch thick or so, and add a little of the marinade if it isn’t pasty enough. Sear each side of the beef for two minutes. Smoke over low heat, flipping and rotating every couple of hours. You’ll need two sturdy bar-b-q forks to do this. Watch for hot spots in your grill or smoker and adjust your meat accordingly. After three or four hours pour a little of the marinade slowly over the meat. Continue smoking until thoroughly cooked.

A quick reminder, after the Fourth of July holiday, you should be on the look out for cruel sparkler pranks by dear friends. Remember, ‘the cigarette that burns twice as bright can burn half your eye out.’ And having to wear an eye patch, no matter how piratey, might be worth pushing a mate off a mast.

Previous Recipe: All Summers Hold Adventure
-- Pirates Homepage --
Next Recipe: Time Off Is For Bad Behavior

©2006 NONCO Media, L.L.C.