Vol. 3, Issue #18 Sept. 26th - Oct. 9th, 2008

Protecting Yourself from the Law Enforcement Industrial Complex
By: Chad Moody

The twisted phantasmagorical logic of our government is no better illustrated than by the fact that our whole judiciary is of the opinion that sending armed thugs equipped with riot gear into an unsuspecting citizen’ home in order to catch that person red-handed in the act of possessing vegetable matter is somehow reasonable. The Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution and Article II Section 30 of the Oklahoma Constitution both purport to guard us against unreasonable searches and seizures. However, after decades of persistent cultural brainwashing most judges in this country think that home invasions are a good thing if they help ferret out vegetable matter.

That is the beauty of Alaska. The Supreme Court of Alaska has long held that there is nothing so inimical to the public welfare in a private citizen possessing less than four ounces of vegetable matter that warrants the extreme remedy of a home invasion. That’s right, in Alaska you can saunter on down to the local cop shop and tell your homegrown Barney Fife that you have four ounces of weed at home setting underneath your pillow and there is nothing he can do about it! Now that is a beautiful thing. The police in Alaska think that the Alaska Supreme Court must be crazy. After all, what self-respecting testosterone secreting white guy with a badge doesn’t admit that home invasions are more fun than a barrel of minorities in a back alley?

There is one thing that the kind genteel and unassuming pot smoker can do to best insure against the possibility that he will one ever see his home ransacked by the FBI, KGB, or DEA. What is that one thing? NEVER PUT ANYTHING INCRIMINATING IN THE TRASH. Thanks to a case called California v. Greenwood, the cops, or anybody else are entirely at liberty to go through your garbage once you have deposited your garbage canister at the curb. One of the cops’ favorite ways to get a warrant is to send an empty trash truck by your home to pick up only YOUR garbage. In the fine tradition of bums, derelicts, near-do wells and other associated law enforcement types these stalwart guardians of public virtue sift through your garbage looking for treasure. The treasure in this case are seeds and stems or other contraband related items that can be used to acquire permission for a governmentally invasion of your home.

Upon finding said seed or stem, voila, your life, your fortune and your sacred honor are then relegated to the noble governmental purpose of collecting your pee in a cup.

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